I could have mohawked her pubes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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