i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
