somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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