after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
