i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize