Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
