oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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