Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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