Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
