I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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