Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
