so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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