I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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