I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
