I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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