now i know why i became what i already was.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
