Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
