part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
