drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I want a musical about memes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
