reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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