How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
