if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
