I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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