SEEEEXXX PLEASE
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
