She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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