Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize