The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
