I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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