In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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