her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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