you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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