he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
