we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
