remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
