We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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