Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
