and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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