508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
