Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
