i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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