The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
