New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
