Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
