based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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