I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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