id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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