i already hear my dad disowning me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
