Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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