Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
