It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
