after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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