My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
