Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
