I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
