Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
