good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
