This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
