he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
