dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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