I hate your face
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize