How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
