My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
