I looked at my own cervix.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
