i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
