i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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