I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
