dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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