She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize