Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
