my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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