Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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