Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
