I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
