Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
