In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
