Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
