6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize