And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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